I'm Afraid.

So here’s a confession: I’m afraid.  

Sure, I’m a pretty tough girl. I am virtually fearless when it comes to riding in small planes and eating nearly-developed duck embryos (google balut, if you have a strong stomach) and taking risks and saying what I think and speaking in public. 

But I’m afraid of some things. Things I can't control, and things that hurt people that I love. Today made me painfully aware of that fact- something bad happened that trigged a very old and very deep fearfulness inside of me. Something that’s been growing in the pit of my belly like an foul, uninvited parasite since I was a little girl. I was suddenly very much aware of the hold that this fear had on me. It was a crippling, vice-like grip that in an instant wrapped cold metal tendrils around my heart and lungs and stomach until I felt that familiar, sickening panic. 

I don’t want to acknowledge my fear. Someone I loved once told me that my fear was weakness. I don’t want to be weak, so I keep it inside, mostly. 

But this amazing little project called “No More Voices” makes me want to change that. The premise is that fear and doubt are afraid of community and that one way to conquer your fear is to share it. To know that you are not alone is a very healing and powerful thing. 

Are you afraid? Can we be afraid together, and be less afraid? 

The Bitter Taste of Chocolate- Chocolate and Child Labor

Chocolate. One of the most beloved substances that we ingest. A comfort food, an American tradition, a symbol of love.

Did you know that 70% of the world's cocoa supply comes from Africa, where it has been estimated that there are up to 100,000 child slaves illegally working on cocoa plantations? Many of these children have been trafficked (smuggled) across boarders and then sold to plantation owners- the going rate for a child slave is about $300.00. Child slaves are exposed to harmful pesticides, as well as the dangerous work of splitting cacao pods open with machetes for long hours each day. These kids have no access to healthcare or education, are not paid, and are beaten if they try to escape. And you thought the days of plantation slaves were over, right?

The most horrifying thought of all is that we, as American consumers who love a good, cheap, chocolate bar, are responsible in a way for this gross injustice. Despite several initiatives to try and get major chocolate companies to clean up their supply chains, there hasn't been much real change in the situation for nearly a decade. My thought is that there simply isn't enough consumer pressure to motivate big companies to enforce fair trade practices. This won't stop, companies won't begin to care where their cocoa comes from, until we, the conscientious consumers tell them "enough is enough- and I'll be buying fair trade ethically produced chocolate bars for MY s'mores, thank you very much!".

Some of my favorite sources for ethically produced cocoa are Equal Exchange (for cocoa powder and hot chocolate), Sunspire (for chocolate chips!), and Divine (darn good chocolate bars)- but there are many, many more options. Your local Whole Foods or health food coo-op will likely cary several brands of fair trade chocolate, or you can order  a stockpile from amazon.com.

Now, a chocolate bar doesn't necessarily have to  be emblazoned with a fair trade symbol in order to be ethically produced. Single origin (sourcing cacao from one, and only one, geographical location- i.e a single, small farm) or direct trade (cutting out the middle man and buying direct from cacao growers at above-fair-trade prices) chocolates are sometimes even better options! Do your own research on your favorite companies, and find out how they rate with regards to child labor and unfair treatment of workers.  A great tool that you can use is the Free2Work  app developed by the Not For Sale Campaign. Simply scan the barcode of a chocolate bar to learn about the company's guidelines and sourcing policies! Here's a handy list of chocolate companies, as well.

For more information, check out CNN's "The human cost of chocolate".

Now, get out there and buy some fair trade  chocolate! And write to Hersheys, Kraft, Nestle, and Mars telling them WHY you aren't buying their products any longer!

Fair Trade French Silk Pie (That is Also Paleo, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Sugar Free, And Optionally Dairy Free)

This luscious pie is perfect for any special occasion. When I was a little girl, I used to ask for French Silk pie on my birthday instead of birthday cake. Imagine my delight when I related this fun fact to Andrew and found out that he did the SAME THING as a little boy. Since I can't eat the traditionally gluten-and-sugar-packed version, I decided to try to concoct a almost-paleo, grain free, refined-sugar free copy to celebrate the momentous occasion of there only being 100 days left until Andrew and I GET MARRIED. We made up a new relationship holiday called "100 Day". We're real creative with the holiday-naming, no? Anyway, back to the pie- oh, wow. You can hardly tell it's not the "real" thing. So, so decadent, and the texture was spot on both for the flaky, buttery crust and the melt-in-your-mouth chocolaty cloud that filled it. 

For the crust, you'll need: 

1 and 1/2 cups Almond Flour 

1/4 tsp salt 

1/4 tsp Baking Soda 

1/4 cup Palm Oil Shortening 

1 Tbsp raw, unprocessed local honey 

1/2 tsp fair trade vanilla extract 

 Mix dry and wet ingredients separately, then stir together until just combined.

 Pat the mixture into a pie tin and bake at 325 for 8-10 minutes. Let the crust cool while you whip up the filling.

For the French Silk Filling, you'll need: 
1/2 cup butter or Palm Oil Shortening (room temperature)

1/2 cup raw, unprocessed local honey 

6 oz dark fair trade chocolate (I use SunSpire fair trade chips from Whole Foods)* 

1 tsp fair trade vanilla 

2 eggs 

(there is a small amount of sugar in the chocolate chips I use. If you want to be strict paleo, use unsweetened chocolate. I haven't found a source yet for unsweetened fair trade baking chocolate!) 

 Whip the butter/shortening and honey until light and fluffy.

 Melt the chocolate over the stove and slowly pour into the butter sugar mixture with your mixer on and set to a low speed.

 Add one egg, whipping at medium speed for about three minutes. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl, then add the second egg and continue beating at medium speed for a few more minutes until the mixture is smooth, shiny, and aerated. It should quite literally have a silky, barely-there texture- hence the name.

Pour the mixture into your baked, cooled pie shell, smooth, and chill for a few hours to set completely. Top with fresh coconut "whipped cream", if desired.

iphone closeups of the amazing texture: